Friday, November 14, 2008

Weasel Boogers and Other Whimsical Musings

So when you ask a trumpet player, a geography major, a sociology major, and an art procrastinator (doesn’t deserve to be called a major) to write an article, what do you think you will get? Well, here it goes. Except in our case it is more like three bikers and the only person who is willing to put with said bikers for any length of time.

The most important part of any article is reaching your word limit, which in our case is 509 words. Now that the hard part is done let us get down to the meat and potatoes. Any good humor column has got to have a shtick. Now you ask what the heck a shtick is. Well, a shtick is a gimmick, something to catch your attention and make you laugh. We are mainly going for the latter. So we will borrow from the great Dave Berry. We will work a random word into the body of our article. Or in our case two words. What words you might ask? We will let you know at the end.

So what do three mountain bikers do on any given Monday night? Well we celebrate the first day of the week with a tradition we like to call Happy Monday. Does this involve copious amounts of alcohol, you might ask. Nope. All Happy Monday entails to us is a late night bike ride. Now you are thinking that we are crazy. This time you are correct. Why, you ask, do we ride around on back country trails in the dark? Our response: it is just flat out fun.

The only time it is not fun is when you plow head first into a tree and wind up spending the night at the hospital. The hospital stay and ensuing bills are not the worst part. The worst part is having to find the right sized nipple wrench to true you tacoed wheel. Often this involves digging through handful of different colored nipple wrenches to find that elusive green nipple wrench. (Why am I here and why do they keep saying nipple wrench). Just to let you know, anything in parentheses from here on out is from the peanut gallery that is our lone female contributor.

It is at this point that we would like to ask our reading audience for some assistance. Should we be allowed to write another installment, we would like to have a random word or two to incorporate into the article. So just send your words to and we will use our favorite. Just please keep in mind that this is for the school newspaper, so even if your word is our favorite, if the editor does not approve of it, we will have to choose another. At least for the published version.

So we are at the end of the article and as promised we must give you the words. Well, we sure hope you guessed this one right. The words are “nipple wrench.”

The End. There! 509 words on the dot.

Jared , Rodie Steve, Jess, and Trials Dude


Jared said...

That was such a well written article, I can't believe that it was never published.